Accomplishment

On my way back from France, about one year back, i spotted at the airport an ad for HSBC where 3 pictures were showing:
Accomplishment#1: a beauty contest winner
Accomplishment #2: an astronaut that reached the moon
Accomplishment #3: a kid that just tied his shoes for the first time

Then i posed and thought, if i were to frame myself in what is the "biggest"accomplishment of my life how would that picture look like?

Passing through security all the way to the gate then the plane, i sat with the seat belt on, grabbed the "vomit bag"of Air France (nothing like Air liban:) ) and started writing this blog which i never published and found it while cleaning my papers few days back.

I starting reflecting at my so called accomplishments. When and how did i feel satisfied, happy, ecstatic, proud, relieved, strong, independent, free, focused and... accomplished?

There was this time when i opened my email late at night only to discover i have been accepted to a masters program i really wanted to join...another time my finance teacher held me my 100/100 exam back with none of the 100+ students scoring full grade but myself.
When thinking of accomplishments i can not but remember the moment i was on the stage receiving my certificate with honorable mention, my parents in front of me clapping as hard as they can with pride.
I can still remember how good it felt the first time i successfully finished a SUDOKU game, I who have absolutely no patience for such a thing.
Hitting the submit button on the college website the day i submitted my thesis was definitely a day to remember!

But i can not call the above "accomplishments" let alone "biggest accomplishment" of my life. There must be this one thing i did that flipped my life around...a moment where i felt something like never before. Where i experienced something new, something exiting and most importantly something i did not think i would or could do.

It was around 12am on January 2010...Ramson, our tanzanian guide, walks in the room to wake us up but i haven't slept anyways. I get up, get dressed: 1st base layer on, thermal on, fleece on, second fleece on, big fluffy windbreaker jacket on, hiking boots on, 1st gloves on, second gloves on and in between some hand warmers, hat on, walking sticks in hand, backpack on with 3 liters of water, night light on the head, camera and cell phone inside my jacket pockets to keep them warm and off i went outside the room. It was cold...so damn cold! MINUS 10 degrees cold. I was 4,800 meters high at kibo hut on Mount Kilimanjaro. I had been walking for 4 days to arrive to that point and i was about to ascend to the sumit.
I was not feeling anything...i was a bit out of place...doing what i was being told to do. Ramson in front of me and Marhoun, my friend, behind me, we started to "ac send" silently. And we kept ascending one step at a time zigzaging our way up. I didnt look up, the altitude of where we were aiming at freaked me out...i did not look behind, the steepness of the tip frightened me...i was looking down at Ramson's footsteps following them carefully and religiously, from time to time i would glimpse up at the moon. It was so big...perfectly shaped...sooo soooo bright lighting the whole climb for us. And the starts! you could feel they re shaking from all the shininess.
At 5,200m, altitude started to kick in. Sparing you the details, i vomit ted couple of times, fell asleep another couple of times, felt breathless, cold and hot, and very very dizzy. Problem is i could not stop and rest, it was something like -15 degrees, so keep going was the only way.
i lost track of time, but we had walked between 5-6 hours and arrived at Gilmann's point, 5,600m...i looked down only to discover how straight was the climb up.

At this point i had a choice to make...a choice that shaped my life since then.

So Ramson looks at me: "Furaha (meaning farah in Swahili), do u want to continue? Do u want to take a picture at Uhuru?"
"Yes, i do, but...", i replied.
" What you are feeling is normal, i would not let you continue otherwise, look, look there, can u see behind the ice? this is Uhuru peak and if we continue right now we will meet up with Ashi(my other Friend) and Tutu (our other guide) and we will all arrive to the peak at sunrise", Ramson interrupted

I can stop here, take a picture, and go down. I had reached Gilmann's point anyways, it is already a peak...but it is not the peak peak. i wasn't feeling right...i was so tired and sleepy and breathless and exhausted. What choice do i have? I could continue, another God knows how many hours to reach Uhuru Peak...and where is this peak anyways? what is there? a sign saying congrats u arrived? I have a sign right here saying congrats u arrived to Gilmann's @ 5,600m. What will these 200 extra meters do to me? I look down again. It doesnt look too enticing to go down! another 5-6 hours of walk. What i really really wanted is to just be out of here. Out of the mountain...back to ground zero where i can BREATH and move my toes and fingers.

Then i started thinking, i have been looking at Uhuru UP for the last 4 days...and now i am looking almost STRAIGHT. Forgetting for a split of a second how breathless i was i agreed to keep going.

Everything afterwards did not matter. My peak is one that i ve set for myself. Its the first step i took after Gilman's. It is where i took my heart to a limit. "A" limit i did not know existed. Its where i took the decision to exceed my potential, and keep going despite all of what i was feeling. Its not giving up. Its being determinant. Its a point where i got over my fear, or doubt that i will or i CAN continue. Its having an easy way out, still not settling for that and choosing the hard way, the right way. Its i felt satisfied, happy, ecstatic, proud, relieved, strong, independent, free, focused and... accomplished.

I remembered at that point on of the guides telling me what i call the best of advice i've had from anyone. I asked him what makes someone reach the top...how much to drink, eat, the pace to walk at, the time to begin and so on...he then said: 'Be free, be happy and you will make it!'

So i closed my eyes for few seconds and enclosed this feeling deep in my heart and hoped to never let it go. Then i open them and walked my way up to Uhuru peak one breath at a time...I felt free, i felt happy and i made it. These 200 extra meters gave me more then i could ask for...They gave me the feeling of accomlishment.

Furaha x